A 5 minute read 🙂
Most of the time, we think our biggest haters are other people. Friends we fall out with, exes, colleagues and even our family members! The truth is, a lot of us know our NUMBER ONE critique is ourselves! When we fail at something, we start to let in negative thoughts such as ‘I’m not good enough’ and ‘She’s so much better than me at this”. Here are some useful tips to help you doubt yourself less AND succeed more!
Look at the WHOLE picture!
In a podcast called ‘Imposter Syndrome and Self Doubt’ Dr Jessamy Hibberd beautifully explains how we can come back from failure. She says “If you looked at 5 or 10 percent of a picture, you wouldn’t know what it was. You need to take in the FULL picture of YOUR LIFE and start to note down all of the good things that are happening”.
After listening to her advice, I understood that it is vital to your mental health to accept that failure is a normal and healthy part of your life. It will keep happening and it’s more than okay.
You have a lot of time to do well in life. I like to remind myself that ‘one year equals 365 opportunities’. Just because you didn’t do well yesterday, does not mean you will never do well again – you just have to remember that failing is a small percentage of your picture.
Stop living in the future…
‘When I get that job, I’ll be happy’, ‘When he tells me he has feelings for me, I’ll be happy’, ‘When I start going to the gym, I’ll be happy.’
Living in the now is crucial. You don’t need to make a list and aim to tick everything off by the time you are 30. You’re not going to be happy or successful if you base your happiness solely off of something in the future – what can you do to make yourself successful right now?
You could clean your room, finish that assignment, write the first sentence of your novel, practise singing, make something new for dinner, do that first press-up, start saving up for that car.
Whatever it is you desire, start now because if you live in the future, you will doubt yourself. Your current actions will make you happy, because every small win in the present is a victory for the rest of your life.
Never forget what you’ve achieved.
A lot of my friends have told me that they feel like they aren’t achieving enough and that they’ve felt sad because of it; I relate. If I’m not taking steps towards my future, I often feel like I’m not going to do great things in life. BUT I ALREADY HAVE BOO!
I shaved my hair off for charity, I fundraised £2303 for East African Playgrounds and helped build a playground in Uganda #DENCH lol, I applied to ITV and was shortlisted and then selected to take part in a 2 week work experience project at their London Studios.
I aced Performing Arts at college, I flew by myself to Germany, I learnt to LOVE working out, I got a Distinction in my university course, I started a YouTube channel, I auditioned for BBC Radio and was shortlisted in the top 10, and I started my own website!
LMAO LET ME GO DEFLATE MY HEAD. As much as bragging is excruciatingly annoying, I think it’s super important to sit down with yourself and remember all of the things that you have already accomplished. They are what made you, you!
So talk to yourself right now; revel in the success that you already have. Be proud of what you have already done, even if the last thing you are pleased with happened 3 years ago, YOU did it so it is still yours to claim.
Don’t compare yourself to ANYONE.
I listen to A LOT of podcasts and I recently heard that none of us would compare ourselves to Will Smith. One of the most successful men on the planet, and yet none of us sit and think ‘I hate how successful Will Smith is.‘ We don’t lose sleep over how we haven’t achieved what HE has achieved. We don’t scroll through his instagram bitterly. We admire him. We think ‘Will Smith rocks‘.
If you don’t compare yourself to a man who has achieved a happy family, a remarkable career and a net worth of $300 million – why compare yourself to anyone?
No one wants to show you their addictions and bad habits. Social media is a glorified version of everyone’s life; not everything you see is completely authentic.
Although, some things are real. Amazing things do happen to others which haven’t happened for you, but learn not to be jealous and critical – learn to be inspired. Everyone is on an individual journey; life would be mundane if we did the same as everyone else.
BUILD your ‘failure tolerance’.
Brooke Castillo taught me about this skill. In her motivating podcast she discusses why it is important to develop your failure tolerance; it’s a muscle that needs to be exercised.
If you quit too early, you will never know your limit – you could have been sensational but you stopped when it got difficult. The more you practise failing, the more you will learn. So whatever it is that you have to offer the world, rejection and failure will improve your product.
J.K Rowling’s pitch for Harry Potter was rejected 12 TIMES! She now has a net worth of $1 Billion.
So, don’t tell me that you’re going to quit. Risk failure. It’s okay because it’s necessary.
Castillo explains how we are taught to avoid failure; in class, if we get an ‘F’ on a test, it’s over and it’s in our best interest to quit the class and do something else. You have to rewire your mind and declare that getting that ‘F’ is NOT a reflection of who you are, it’s a reflection of who you are going to become – that bad grade is the beginning of your success story – NOT the end.
“Failure is harmless. The worst part of failure is an emotion, and emotions are harmless when you allow yourself to feel them.”Brooke Castillo, The Life Coach School Podcast.
It’s okay to doubt yourself – but when those thoughts come in, don’t let them make a home in your mind. You’re the landlord, you have the power to kick them out hunny!
Lots of love, Ariya xxx